Living with Toxic Relatives

Anyone who’s come out of a long-term toxic relationship knows that a manipulative, vindictive ex can all but ruin your life. They’ll at least do their best to try. My husband’s abuser managed to sabotage his career, basically setting him back to square one. She did this even though taking away his means to support himself also meant taking away his means to pay child support to her. An emotionally healthy woman with a handful of kids will look for a job to help support herself and her children. An unbalanced wreck in the same situation will spend all of her time plotting and scheming until she succeeds in cutting off the only source of income she does have.

To me, this is one of the most baffling aspects of psychopaths and the personality disordered. When they perceive that someone has wronged them, they will go out of their way to harm that person, even when it is inevitable that they themselves will be negatively affected by the outcome. I truly believe that many of them do have the foresight to understand that they will suffer consequences for their own actions, but they go ahead and implement whatever malicious plot they’ve devised, because they so badly want to cause someone else’s suffering.

My husband was in the military, and we were living all the way across the country from ex-BPD when she strategically tried to destroy his life. (In hindsight, the distance was the biggest blessing). We packed up and temporarily moved in with one of his relatives who lives in between our home state and the one we had just moved from. My hubby had a job prospect in the area; it didn’t pan out, we wound up staying with the relative and her family longer than we had planned, and she turned out to be highly manipulative which made an already stressful situation almost unbearable.

My husband eventually landed the job that he would have for the next several years, and we got our own place. He was quickly promoted to a management position, and eventually I was hired on with the company too. The owners turned out to be the most heinous, emotionally manipulative, abusive people either of us has ever worked for, and maybe I’ll get into that some other time. Eventually, this company wanted him to move back to our home state, and they promised him a promotion. He never got it, the work became intermittent, and we wound up staying with his parents for much longer than expected.

The idea was to move in with them for several months while my husband set up his surgery (to correct an injury and improve mobility), recover from the surgery, and give us time to search for a rental property. However, The Universe rarely takes our plans into account, and things got crazy almost as soon as we arrived back home.

Which brings me to the reason I started writing this post. I recently wrote a flash fiction piece that was inspired by our stay with the in-laws, and I figured why not supplement it with a blog post summarizing what really happened. I’ve started reading back through my journal entries and will post soon.

Introduction

After more than a decade of having some type of psychopathic presence directly or indirectly involved in my life, I have been wanting to chronicle these misadventures for quite some time. Originally, I planned to start from the beginning and do a thorough job of chronicling my experiences in as much detail as possible. It was supposed to be a purging experience, and a way to gain more insight into myself and what I have been through.

But the thought of going back to the start of all this, to get it all out, and try to put it in order, was absolutely overwhelming. That is mostly why I have been putting off starting a blog until now. The other delays were deciding what platform to use and how to get some of this stuff off my chest if I wasn’t going to do a chronology of events.

After doing some research, I decided on WordPress for a number of reasons which don’t merit going into detail about. I’m sure this will become easier as I familiarize myself with WP and blogging but, for the time being, it feels a bit awkward.

I’ve come to realize that I don’t so much have a need to relive my experiences from beginning to end (although I’m still considering writing it all down, if I ever feel like tackling that), but my analytical mind is caught up in the mechanics of these relationships (between psychos and their victims). The behaviors are truly fascinating.

A bit of background: Why am I blogging about this?

I lived with a psychopath for a while, and then I moved out. Unfortunately, I wound up moving back in at a later time, and that’s when things really started to go downhill. Once I got away from him for good, things got even more interesting. It turned out that the vindictive, overgrown child my boyfriend was trying to divorce was even more of a monster than the one I had lived with. Figuring that out with him turned out to be more painful than my own previous experiences. I’m blogging as a way of healing and gaining perspective. However, if anyone happens to find these posts helpful, that’s wonderful.

The two monsters involved in my life meet the criteria for psychopathy. Though they both display traits from various personality disorders, they are both pathological and covert, so I’m not even bothering with the PD traits, although I’ll probably point them out from time to time. (Once you learn to recognize them, it starts to become second nature, like a survival instinct kicking in).