Gaining Power & Control over Psychopaths: 4 Humorous Suggestions for Protecting Society from the Personality Disordered

Disordered and Deceitful

There is no cure for psychopathy/sociopathy/cluster B personality disorders. There is no way to teach a monster to have compassion and empathy. Worse, being a sociopath isn’t even a crime, in and of itself. There are plenty of personality disordered, high conflict people running around loose in our culture, and they destroy people’s lives. Not all of them kill, not all of them are physically abusive, and not all of them commit such blatant crimes that they wind up in prison, but they all use and abuse others for their own personal gain.

Given that knowledge, is there any way we could co-exist with psychopaths peacefully? Could they be integrated into society in such a way that they could only be helpful? Here are a few ideas for how to neutralize them, in order to protect the innocent.

Option 1 – Banishment

Exile them. Give them their own remote territory to reside on, but make sure they have no way to leave this place. The vast majority of them are not the foaming-at-the-mouth, axe wielding maniacs that most of us think of when we hear the word psychopath. Many of them are CEOs, doctors, lawyers, politicians and, yes, even mental health professionals. Scary, no?

So, they would have their own community, they could set up their own government, and so on. We would drop in food and other supplies periodically, and they would have to learn to ration it all out. Of course, they wouldn’t; it would be survival of the fittest, and this is all just for fun, so let’s try not to overthink it.

This would be something like John Carpenter’s Escape from New York. Only we wouldn’t shoot them, if they tried to escape; we’d tranquilize them, and return them to their natural habitat. It’s perfectly acceptable; that’s what we do to bears when they wander into the suburbs.

Option 2 – Sedation

Leave them at large in the community, but they have to be on heavy tranquilizers. Friends and family members will be in charge of medicating them and then parking them in front of a television set. They may hang out with everyone else, but they’ll be too loopy to use and abuse anyone. We’re talking doped to the gills, all happy and drooling. There’s no way they’ll feel up to stealing Grandpa’s social security check, gas-lighting their spouse, or manipulating Aunt Mildred into co-signing for a loan.

And, of course, if the family members feel squeamish about having to give injections to their crazy relative periodically, they could opt for a lobotomy. What? It’s a permanent solution, and everyone is appeased. The family members get to keep their beloved sociopath around, and said sociopath will be unable to harm anyone. No more manipulation tactics, no more lying, no more keeping everyone on edge. Imagine it – the new and improved psychopath.

Option 3 – Sanitarium

Removal from the general public might be a better option, if the friends and relatives do not want to keep the disordered individual around. Or the family may not want the responsibility of caring for such an individual, maybe they just want to be able to visit him or her once in a while. In that case, the option of institutionalizing their favorite psycho might have a certain appeal.

Electroshock treatments will be administered only at the discretion of the family members. Otherwise, the psychopaths get locked in a padded room. They will be given some crayons and paper, and classical music will be piped in to keep their thoughts serene and pleasant.

Option 4 – Employment

Give them the jobs that no one else wants to do. This option gives them an enormous amount of freedom, so they would need to be branded in some way, to alert innocent folks of the danger. Perhaps tattoo SOCIOPATH across their foreheads. It has to be clearly visible if it’s going to serve as a warning for people. Besides, these days, everyone seems to have a tattoo or 20. It’s hardly inhumane. Or, perhaps we could come up with a standardized psycho hairstyle to identify them.

Some fitting careers for the sociopaths: garbage man, crash test dummy, lift pump remover, commercial dishwasher, butcher, bat guano collector, Port-O-Let cleaner, and roadkill remover are some of the most appropriate. The disordered who have already earned high level positions – doctors, lawyers, and other professionals, would have to do at least 50% pro-bono work. And if they ever get caught doing something illegal, they get busted down to the lower level employment options.

Keep Dreaming

Unfortunately, the chances of someday living in a world free of personality disordered individuals are slim to none. These creeps do not seem to be in any danger of extinction, and they are quite good at blending in. However, our society should give serious consideration to finding a way to identify and deal with psychopaths in such a way that they are not allowed to mess with the minds and emotions of regular folks.

On Forgiveness and Confrontations

Cover of "Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their...
Cover via Amazon

I am currently reading Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward, PhD. Most of her information and advice is spot on. However, I disagree with her on a couple of issues. Before I get into those, I should probably fill you in on why I’m reading this book.

As stated in my introduction post, I lived with a sociopath for a number of years, and my significant other was ensnared by one for over a decade. If you’re reading this, I assume you’ve had your own major encounter with a psychopath, or perhaps you have a loved one who has. And if that’s the case, you may already have learned that the reason some of us get involved with sociopaths is because we’re trying to resolve childhood issues. We had high conflict, sociopathic, or personality disordered parents, and we got stuck in dysfunction; we don’t know what normal, healthy relationships are all about.

As far as my parents are concerned, I’ve already made my peace. When I say that, I mean I’ve made my peace within myself and, as a result of that, I was able to make my peace with them. (I want to point out that this was partly a result of the relationship I had with the psychopath. As I was discovering what he was, I realized he and my father seemed to have come from the same template. So it gave me some deep insight into the relationship I had with him, as well.)

My SO comes from a highly dysfunctional family also, and has made significant progress as far as understanding how that has affected his life and his choices. He has learned to recognize when he is being manipulated, and he stands up for himself. We both still read books like this one to continue to gain valuable insight. For me the subject is still fascinating.

Getting back on topic, Dr. Forward tells her clients that forgiveness is not essential. I respectfully disagree. Unfortunately, many people seem to think forgiveness and absolution are one and the same. They are not. Forgiveness does not equal absolution. The two are not synonymous. Forgiving someone does not mean that you will continue to allow them to abuse you or that you will pretend like the abuse never occurred.

It’s been my experience though that forgiveness is a process. You cannot simply state that you forgive your abuser and expect that magically, all of the hurt from the past will disappear, you will have your self esteem back, your toxic parent(s) will be grief-stricken at ever having hurt you and will become the perfect parent(s), etc. Strangely, many people seem to think that that’s how forgiveness works. It has to come naturally. For me, it’s been part of the healing process. It gradually started to happen on its own, without any conscious effort on my part. (Other than struggling to make sense of everything and to recover from it all.)

I realized I had forgiven these people when I got to the point where I could think of them, and unpleasant incidents from our past, without feeling strong emotions. Now, especially when I recall traumatic incidents from childhood, they almost seem as if they happened to someone else. I don’t feel anger, confusion, emotional distress, helplessness, hatred or a wish to lash out. Sometimes there’s a little sadness at the fact the we humans can be so cruel, but that’s not what this post is about.

The second thing I disagree with Dr. Forward on is her urging all of her clients to confront their toxic parents. I don’t think a confrontation is necessary for everyone. She suggests putting it in writing or arranging a face to face meeting. The patient basically outlines the abuses/neglect they suffered, how they were affected by it, and that they are not going to tolerate any ongoing abuse or disrespect. I think there are plenty of people who could benefit from writing a letter that they never intend to send. (Writing in a journal is another option.) If you’re struggling with going no-contact, then the response to your confrontation might help you decide. However, if you already know in your heart that no-contact is the only way to have peace in your life, then what’s the point of a confrontation?

Dr. Forward suggests that the confrontation is to prove to the patient that he/she can stand up to their parents. In my experience, in order to do that, you must set solid boundaries and stop allowing the parents (or anyone else for that matter) to cross those boundaries. When you can do that, then you know that you are okay. When you no longer allow them to abuse you or treat you with disrespect, when you can calmly tell them that you’re going to walk out/hang up if they keep acting like children, when you can refuse to give in to guilt and manipulations, when they are no longer able to push your buttons, then you are fine.

You can stand up to your parents without confronting them with the past. In some instances, a confrontation may make things worse. For me, I simply don’t see the point – it wouldn’t be helpful to me at all. Everyone is different though and, if you feel the need for a confrontation, Toxic Parents will help you prepare for one. Check your local library, or you can purchase the book on Amazon or e-bay.

There’s one more thing I want to mention. Dr. Forward gives examples of how toxic parents typically respond during these face to face encounters. Not surprisingly, they react exactly the same way personality disordered spouses/lovers do, when we call them on their bullshit. Essentially, they respond with denial, blame shifting, false apologies – in hopes of sweeping everything under the rug, making excuses/rationalizing, the martyr routine, and – my personal fave – the whiny, melodramatic why-are-you-being-mean-to-me crap. I couldn’t help noticing the pattern, and it made me wonder if Dr. F would also advise her patients to have a face off with an ex spouse/lover. I doubt she would, and doing so with one’s parents hardly seems like it would be particularly helpful for the same reason.

Each of us is different, and it’s important to do what’s best for you. If you find this book helpful, and you want more, I’ve comprised a short list of books that have been helpful to me during my recovery. If you’re interested, you can view it here.